Some days are diamonds, some days are stone.

The other day mom couldn't remember if my birthday had passed our not. It had not, in fact it was coming up, about 3 weeks away, so I guess that is a good thing that she remember the time of year.

Today we had teenagers at our house, as we often do, because I have a 14 year old daugher. My daughter's friends have stayed pretty much the same over the last 3 years, but this particular day we had a new friend of hers over. The house was pretty hectic, as I had a friend of mine and her husband, and son over too. The mother of one of my daughter's friends came to the door in the confusion, and my mom opened the door to her. She did really well welcoming the woman and coming to get me to find out where the girl was. I am constantly amazed at how well my mom can "fake it" when it comes to acting normal. You'd never know she has Alzheimer's, at first glance.

Later (about an hour) I told mom the lady she had met at the door was the mom of  Melissa's new friend. Mom was like, "What woman?" The person that came to the door looking for her daughter, I said. Mom just looked at me uncomprehendingly. I said, "It's ok, mom we all forget sometimes." These moments of uncomprehension in her eyes are devestating to me, because I realize (or at least I think I do) that she is comprehending that she has the same malady that her mother had and is slowly slippin away. What's harder than her knowing that this is happening (because she will forget shortly and will be ok) is that I know... and I don't forget.

How to cope with the endless, repetitive questions: What day is it? Is this Tuesday? (when it's Friday) What time is it? When will Melissa get home? (her teenage granddaughter who lives with us) These questions are repeated over and over and over... within minutes of each other sometimes. How do I cope with it, you say? Not to well actually. Sometimes I get frustrated and lash out.."I just told you mom, it's Friday!" Then comes the look of hurt and I regret my words. So I try to comprehend what it's like to be her (It might be me some day.) So I remember back to a time when I did a retreat and we weren't allowed to wear our watches to know what time of day it was, it drove us crazy! It was a constant guessing game to know what time of day it was... if we'd go outside for an activity we'd look up at the sky to try to determine it from the sun (might be why mom is always looking out the window?); if we had a meal, we'd try to mentally track the hours till the next one... we weren't always correct! lol Routines were important to us, as they are to the Alzheimer patient... I need to remember that.