Finding humor in the little things

People often say, "I don't know how you do it Lisa." or "I could never do what you do." It isn't a choice for me, I have to do it and because I have to, I also have to find a way to cope. I think it must be much like it was in the early days before nursing homes and assisted living facilities... families took care of their own, because they had no other alternative. There was no other choice, so you just "did it". So when faced with no other choice, what do you do? Well, what I do is find humor in the little things, learn to laugh at myself and my circumstances and not to take myself to seriously.

I made a joke just today to my mom's cousin who came to visit, that mom remembered an event that I didn't. This actually happens quite frequently of late.

"Now who has memory problems!" I said.

I know that my memory problems are related to stress and lack of sleep, whereas mom's dementia is from Alzheimer's. It isn't that I'm making fun of the her, it's that I am making fun WITH her. We all have problems remembering things sometimes; just some of us more than others. I also think this helps others accept mom the way she is now. If I take a light hearted attitude to it, they are likely too, also. Mom goes along with this quite well, and doesn't get upset with me at all, and understands full well what disease she has. She cared for her mother who had Alzheimer's earlier in her life, and remembers it.

When it gets hard to "laugh" I cry. No, seriously... I have to MAKE myself cry sometimes.  I will watch a sad movie, or listen to sad music, or read a poem to release the tears. I have a tendency to "bottle" my feelings and that is not healthy. Releasing my feelings through tears heals in a way that none other does, but it's a hard thing for me to do.

Another way I cope is to blog in this journal. Getting it out and down on paper and thinking that I might be helping someone else out who is going through the same thing, lessens the pain somehow. I enjoy writing and always have. Poetry, lyrics to songs, short stories, human interest stories for newspapers... I might someday even try a book! Not everyone can write, I know this, but everyone has something that they do well. Find out what that is and do that!

I also enjoy playing the piano, as does my mother. She was a piano teacher as well as an English and History teacher in high school. My paternal grandmother was a piano teacher as well... so music sooths me. One of my favorite songs to play is the old Shaker tune, Simple Gifts. The lyrics go like this: " 'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free. 'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be. And when we find ourselves in the place just right, 'Twill be in the valley of love and delight. When true Simplicity is gained. To bow and to bend we shan't be a-sham'd. To turn, turn will be our de-light, Till by tur-ning, tur-ning we come round right."

I don't know why this song speaks to me, but it does. I guess it's that in simplicity we find our true selves. In the biggest challenges in life that I have faced... cancer, divorce, house fire, finacial crisis and now my mother's Alzheimer's... it is through simplistic things that I find comfort. Keep It Simple Stupid (KISS) the old saying goes, and it is true. I'm the most stupid when I try to complicate my life.