I am my 90 year old mothers sole caregiver, what exactly does that mean?
In a nutshell...
I pay her (our) bills.
I do her laundry.
I feed her, cloth her, give her baths.
In addition, I make sure she takes care of her other personal hygiene responsibilities, such as brushing her teeth, clipping her toenails and fingernails, and having her hair done. I do all our grocery shopping, make her doctor appointments and fill her prescriptions. I lay out her daily meds, prepare her meals, and organize her day. I take her for walks when she's able, and plan fun things for her to do. This is my life.
I also have a 16 year old daughter who I'm the sole guardian of. She also makes huge sacrifices. I make sacrifices. I don't get to go to many, but a scarce few of her school activities (those that I can drag mom to). I have been doing this for nine years, now. Life has passed me by during this time. I have now been unemployed from my career field, scientific research in the area of microbiology with the E.coli 0157 bacteria that causes Hemorrhagic Colitis (HC) in the elderly and Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome (HUS) in our very youngest). I have now been out of this field for a long enough time that I will not be able to go back into it without further education and at 51, I don't care to. Therefore, I started my own business in home care, as that is what I know.
I have two caregivers that help me twice daily for a total of about 3 hours each. This allows me just enough time to drive the 30 minutes into the city to buy groceries, which takes about an hour total, and then a 30 minute drive back home. The other 'respite' I use to go to a support group, which is crucial to my sanity. I love my caregivers, because i get to "hand pick" them, as that is my business. I have been able to get some of the best. They go above and beyond the call of duty, and that is what I would do if I were caring for someone with this horrible disease. (Oh, wait! I am! :)
So how have I survived nine years in the trenches of Alzheimer's? Humor is one way. If you read my blog, you'll see me do a lot of this. The old saying, "Laughter is the best Medicine" really is true. Another way I've survived is to stay focused on me. That is hard to do when your focus 24/7 is caring for someone else. But if I don't focus on me occasionally, and take care of me... ME falls apart! I can't allow that. I have too many people depending on me, so I carry on...
In what ways do I "focus on me"? I don't mean this in a 'vain' way, or a self-serving way. What I do mean, by keeping the focus on me is how do I feel physically? Do I need to take care of a physical need, so I can go ahead and continue to take care of mom? Recently this surfaced with a female problem I had, that resulted in sonograms, a biopsy and now treatment for hormonal issues. (I just thanked God it wasn't cancer!) Another way I "take care of me" is to get adequate exercise. This has to be apart from my walks with mom, as she doesn't walk fast enough for me to get the aerobic benefits from it. However, I do enjoy my walks with mom, in a more 'spiritual' sense... stopping to enjoy the flowers (mom does this every day), noticing a Cardinal that is perching in a tree, seeing something unique in the colors of a bushes fall foliage, that if it weren't for the enhanced sensory perception that comes with Alzheimer's, I wouldn't have seen, via mom.
Surviving the trenches of being an Alzheimer's caregiver takes skill and ingenuity. I find ways to entertain myself for one. I try to "make a game" of housecleaning, for example. How many jobs can I get done in a day? I make a list: Job one: wash dishes. Reward: spend 15 minutes on facebook. Job two: Vacuum the living room and mop the kitchen floor: Reward: take a walk with my dog, Alba. Job Three: Clean the bathroom (which I hate): take myself (and mom) out for ice cream (especially hated jobs require bigger rewards!) If I can do three major jobs in one day (a major accomplishment for an Alzheimer's caregiver) I give myself another reward. Example: rent a movie from redbox and watch it with my daughter (and mom.)
Ok, time to fess up, those of you who really KNOW me, know that I spend way more time on facebook than 15 minutes! LOL So, this new "game" that I mentioned is something that I'm going to try today, wish me luck! I'll continue to blog on this subject tomorrow and let you know how I do! LOL
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