What do you do when the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning is, "OMG, not another day!" Well, I just think of this song by Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, http://youtu.be/AGUsRGuZb6k "pick yourself up and dust yourself off and start all over again!" Sometimes that's easier said than done, however; when you've not had much sleep from the night before and mom wakes up at 6:30 a.m. instead of her usual 9 a.m., things do not get off to a good start usually. There are a few slogans that I tell myself in this situation: "How Important Is It?" to get upset and lose my cool? Is it worth ruining my day? Is it worth ruining hers? Is it something that is going to make a difference 100 years from now? Probably not.
Another saying that I say to myself often is "Easy Does It". This is to imply that I might try going easy on myself and others. Life is not a crisis, or at least it doesn't need to be. It's all in how I view it. Another good adage for this viewpoint is: One Day at a Time. I can only live so many hours in a day, no need to get too far ahead of myself. "Keep It Simple" is another favorite. I tend to be a perfectionist, and like most perfectionists, if I can't do it perfectly, I am likely not to do it at all. In these circumstances I need to keep it simple, and try not to do things to an unattainable standard that I have set for myself. Sometimes, doin it "half-ass" is ok! At least it gets done that way.
When exasperated by my mother's long tales, I remember the saying "Listen and Learn". Mom is 40 years older than me, wiser, and more experienced. Just because she has Alzheimer's, doesn't mean she has nothing to offer. The opposite might just be true, "because she has Alzheimer's, she has much to offer me" due to the fact that she remember's the past so well, as opposed to the present that I seem to be stuck in most of the time.
What to do with the long hours of "nothing to do"? In order to not become "depressed" in this situation takes creativity and focus. Mom sleeps a lot and I have to be here (or someone does) in case she should get up, and you never know when that's going to be. If she should get up and no one is here, there is all kinds of mischief she can get herself into! One of the big things I do is "blog" about my day. This helps me to "think" through things, much as I'm doing now. I also chose "projects" to involve myself in, such as garage sales (that I put on), cooking special meals, tending my flower garden, sewing, reading, or watching old movies on NetFlix.
One of my biggest projects lately however, has been starting a home care business of my own. Once mom is gone, my income will cease and I will need a replacement income. There is a real need for home care in my area, so I have researched it, and there is not a local home care agency that is privately owned, just companies such as Integrety Home Care out of Kansas City. I feel people from a small town would rather have someone they know, therefore my motto: "Local people, caring for local people."
My last and most successful method of dealing with difficult days, is to tell myself, HALT! "Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired?" If I am hungry, eat. If I am angry I have several options; beat a pillow, go for a walk to cool off, journal about it, do some physical labor, or exercise. If I am lonely, pick up a phone, or go to a social function. If I am tired, take a nap... which I think I'm gonna do right now! LOL See you on the flip side!
Friday, August 24, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Finding humor in the little things
People often say, "I don't know how you do it Lisa." or "I could never do what you do." It isn't a choice for me, I have to do it and because I have to, I also have to find a way to cope. I think it must be much like it was in the early days before nursing homes and assisted living facilities... families took care of their own, because they had no other alternative. There was no other choice, so you just "did it". So when faced with no other choice, what do you do? Well, what I do is find humor in the little things, learn to laugh at myself and my circumstances and not to take myself to seriously.
I made a joke just today to my mom's cousin who came to visit, that mom remembered an event that I didn't. This actually happens quite frequently of late.
"Now who has memory problems!" I said.
I know that my memory problems are related to stress and lack of sleep, whereas mom's dementia is from Alzheimer's. It isn't that I'm making fun of the her, it's that I am making fun WITH her. We all have problems remembering things sometimes; just some of us more than others. I also think this helps others accept mom the way she is now. If I take a light hearted attitude to it, they are likely too, also. Mom goes along with this quite well, and doesn't get upset with me at all, and understands full well what disease she has. She cared for her mother who had Alzheimer's earlier in her life, and remembers it.
When it gets hard to "laugh" I cry. No, seriously... I have to MAKE myself cry sometimes. I will watch a sad movie, or listen to sad music, or read a poem to release the tears. I have a tendency to "bottle" my feelings and that is not healthy. Releasing my feelings through tears heals in a way that none other does, but it's a hard thing for me to do.
Another way I cope is to blog in this journal. Getting it out and down on paper and thinking that I might be helping someone else out who is going through the same thing, lessens the pain somehow. I enjoy writing and always have. Poetry, lyrics to songs, short stories, human interest stories for newspapers... I might someday even try a book! Not everyone can write, I know this, but everyone has something that they do well. Find out what that is and do that!
I also enjoy playing the piano, as does my mother. She was a piano teacher as well as an English and History teacher in high school. My paternal grandmother was a piano teacher as well... so music sooths me. One of my favorite songs to play is the old Shaker tune, Simple Gifts. The lyrics go like this: " 'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free. 'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be. And when we find ourselves in the place just right, 'Twill be in the valley of love and delight. When true Simplicity is gained. To bow and to bend we shan't be a-sham'd. To turn, turn will be our de-light, Till by tur-ning, tur-ning we come round right."
I don't know why this song speaks to me, but it does. I guess it's that in simplicity we find our true selves. In the biggest challenges in life that I have faced... cancer, divorce, house fire, finacial crisis and now my mother's Alzheimer's... it is through simplistic things that I find comfort. Keep It Simple Stupid (KISS) the old saying goes, and it is true. I'm the most stupid when I try to complicate my life.
I made a joke just today to my mom's cousin who came to visit, that mom remembered an event that I didn't. This actually happens quite frequently of late.
"Now who has memory problems!" I said.
I know that my memory problems are related to stress and lack of sleep, whereas mom's dementia is from Alzheimer's. It isn't that I'm making fun of the her, it's that I am making fun WITH her. We all have problems remembering things sometimes; just some of us more than others. I also think this helps others accept mom the way she is now. If I take a light hearted attitude to it, they are likely too, also. Mom goes along with this quite well, and doesn't get upset with me at all, and understands full well what disease she has. She cared for her mother who had Alzheimer's earlier in her life, and remembers it.
When it gets hard to "laugh" I cry. No, seriously... I have to MAKE myself cry sometimes. I will watch a sad movie, or listen to sad music, or read a poem to release the tears. I have a tendency to "bottle" my feelings and that is not healthy. Releasing my feelings through tears heals in a way that none other does, but it's a hard thing for me to do.
Another way I cope is to blog in this journal. Getting it out and down on paper and thinking that I might be helping someone else out who is going through the same thing, lessens the pain somehow. I enjoy writing and always have. Poetry, lyrics to songs, short stories, human interest stories for newspapers... I might someday even try a book! Not everyone can write, I know this, but everyone has something that they do well. Find out what that is and do that!
I also enjoy playing the piano, as does my mother. She was a piano teacher as well as an English and History teacher in high school. My paternal grandmother was a piano teacher as well... so music sooths me. One of my favorite songs to play is the old Shaker tune, Simple Gifts. The lyrics go like this: " 'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free. 'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be. And when we find ourselves in the place just right, 'Twill be in the valley of love and delight. When true Simplicity is gained. To bow and to bend we shan't be a-sham'd. To turn, turn will be our de-light, Till by tur-ning, tur-ning we come round right."
I don't know why this song speaks to me, but it does. I guess it's that in simplicity we find our true selves. In the biggest challenges in life that I have faced... cancer, divorce, house fire, finacial crisis and now my mother's Alzheimer's... it is through simplistic things that I find comfort. Keep It Simple Stupid (KISS) the old saying goes, and it is true. I'm the most stupid when I try to complicate my life.
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