I am my 90 year old mothers sole caregiver, what exactly does that mean?
In a nutshell...
I pay her (our) bills.
I do her laundry.
I feed her, cloth her, give her baths.
In addition, I make sure she takes care of her other personal hygiene responsibilities, such as brushing her teeth, clipping her toenails and fingernails, and having her hair done. I do all our grocery shopping, make her doctor appointments and fill her prescriptions. I lay out her daily meds, prepare her meals, and organize her day. I take her for walks when she's able, and plan fun things for her to do. This is my life.
I also have a 16 year old daughter who I'm the sole guardian of. She also makes huge sacrifices. I make sacrifices. I don't get to go to many, but a scarce few of her school activities (those that I can drag mom to). I have been doing this for nine years, now. Life has passed me by during this time. I have now been unemployed from my career field, scientific research in the area of microbiology with the E.coli 0157 bacteria that causes Hemorrhagic Colitis (HC) in the elderly and Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome (HUS) in our very youngest). I have now been out of this field for a long enough time that I will not be able to go back into it without further education and at 51, I don't care to. Therefore, I started my own business in home care, as that is what I know.
I have two caregivers that help me twice daily for a total of about 3 hours each. This allows me just enough time to drive the 30 minutes into the city to buy groceries, which takes about an hour total, and then a 30 minute drive back home. The other 'respite' I use to go to a support group, which is crucial to my sanity. I love my caregivers, because i get to "hand pick" them, as that is my business. I have been able to get some of the best. They go above and beyond the call of duty, and that is what I would do if I were caring for someone with this horrible disease. (Oh, wait! I am! :)
So how have I survived nine years in the trenches of Alzheimer's? Humor is one way. If you read my blog, you'll see me do a lot of this. The old saying, "Laughter is the best Medicine" really is true. Another way I've survived is to stay focused on me. That is hard to do when your focus 24/7 is caring for someone else. But if I don't focus on me occasionally, and take care of me... ME falls apart! I can't allow that. I have too many people depending on me, so I carry on...
In what ways do I "focus on me"? I don't mean this in a 'vain' way, or a self-serving way. What I do mean, by keeping the focus on me is how do I feel physically? Do I need to take care of a physical need, so I can go ahead and continue to take care of mom? Recently this surfaced with a female problem I had, that resulted in sonograms, a biopsy and now treatment for hormonal issues. (I just thanked God it wasn't cancer!) Another way I "take care of me" is to get adequate exercise. This has to be apart from my walks with mom, as she doesn't walk fast enough for me to get the aerobic benefits from it. However, I do enjoy my walks with mom, in a more 'spiritual' sense... stopping to enjoy the flowers (mom does this every day), noticing a Cardinal that is perching in a tree, seeing something unique in the colors of a bushes fall foliage, that if it weren't for the enhanced sensory perception that comes with Alzheimer's, I wouldn't have seen, via mom.
Surviving the trenches of being an Alzheimer's caregiver takes skill and ingenuity. I find ways to entertain myself for one. I try to "make a game" of housecleaning, for example. How many jobs can I get done in a day? I make a list: Job one: wash dishes. Reward: spend 15 minutes on facebook. Job two: Vacuum the living room and mop the kitchen floor: Reward: take a walk with my dog, Alba. Job Three: Clean the bathroom (which I hate): take myself (and mom) out for ice cream (especially hated jobs require bigger rewards!) If I can do three major jobs in one day (a major accomplishment for an Alzheimer's caregiver) I give myself another reward. Example: rent a movie from redbox and watch it with my daughter (and mom.)
Ok, time to fess up, those of you who really KNOW me, know that I spend way more time on facebook than 15 minutes! LOL So, this new "game" that I mentioned is something that I'm going to try today, wish me luck! I'll continue to blog on this subject tomorrow and let you know how I do! LOL
Friday, October 11, 2013
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Where have all the people gone?
I've taken lately to inviting Jehovah Witness's in for coffee, as that is the only company I get these days. While I may joke about it, it is not a laughing matter to me, however. We have been shunned by the church that we have attended for all of my life, and all of my mother's married life. I also had a preacher from a different larger church that we attended for a year, after trying to find support somewhere else other than the small church that I grew up in (thinking that was the problem), tell me that I was "selfish" for expecting him to come and visit my elderly mother, who is a shut in.
Family isn't much better, one visit by one group of family in 3 years, and a refusal to come to her 88th birthday party 3 years ago, because they had seen her 6 months prior? Seriously? She might be dead in another 6 months! Mom is still active and able to carry on a conversation, she is not unresponsive. She might forget what she just told you, but she still has much of her same personality. They came before, why not now, with the onset of Alzheimer's? I cease to try to figure it out.
Friends haven't been much better. To date I have lost two, and the others don't even come or call anymore. I have my loyal facebook friends and Memory People support group (also on facebook), but that is it. Makes you wonder what the world is coming to. It used to make me mad, real mad. In fact, trying to 'reason' it out and stand up for myself, was what caused me to lose the two friends. I guess they weren't "real" friends after all, so I just let them go.
I often find myself lost in a desert oasis. I know those are contradictory terms, but life is often like that. It can be lush and green on the one hand and dry and barren on the other, much like our spiritual life. We can put forth a "Front" of lush green pastures and good deeds untold, but when the poor come knocking on our door, do we turn them away? As Jesus said, in Matthew 25: 31-46, “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”
Is this the state of the world today? It would appear so. Jesus also warns us of this in the end times, peoples love will wax cold. "And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold." Matthew 24:12. This would appear to be what is happening. There is no love there, no love of God and no love of our fellow man. We live in a rat race society and if you don't keep up you get run over, or left behind. (Hmm...seems like there's a book by that name!) Simple as that.
Family isn't much better, one visit by one group of family in 3 years, and a refusal to come to her 88th birthday party 3 years ago, because they had seen her 6 months prior? Seriously? She might be dead in another 6 months! Mom is still active and able to carry on a conversation, she is not unresponsive. She might forget what she just told you, but she still has much of her same personality. They came before, why not now, with the onset of Alzheimer's? I cease to try to figure it out.
Friends haven't been much better. To date I have lost two, and the others don't even come or call anymore. I have my loyal facebook friends and Memory People support group (also on facebook), but that is it. Makes you wonder what the world is coming to. It used to make me mad, real mad. In fact, trying to 'reason' it out and stand up for myself, was what caused me to lose the two friends. I guess they weren't "real" friends after all, so I just let them go.
I often find myself lost in a desert oasis. I know those are contradictory terms, but life is often like that. It can be lush and green on the one hand and dry and barren on the other, much like our spiritual life. We can put forth a "Front" of lush green pastures and good deeds untold, but when the poor come knocking on our door, do we turn them away? As Jesus said, in Matthew 25: 31-46, “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”
Is this the state of the world today? It would appear so. Jesus also warns us of this in the end times, peoples love will wax cold. "And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold." Matthew 24:12. This would appear to be what is happening. There is no love there, no love of God and no love of our fellow man. We live in a rat race society and if you don't keep up you get run over, or left behind. (Hmm...seems like there's a book by that name!) Simple as that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)