You've heard of the saying, "Out of the mouths of babes" when applied to small children having words of wisdom. I think there should also be a saying "Out of the mouths of grandmas." Mom always has the "perfect" perspective on things. Sometimes I think, like children, they cut through the fluff and get straight to the chase.
Just recently I was cleaning my house frantically for a birthday Open House for my mother's 90th birthday. There were a group of church ladies that were coming that afternoon and I wanted to be sure that the house looked "perfect" for them. I also knew that another artist friend of hers was going to be dropping by with her son. I got the house pretty much the way I wanted it by the time her "artist" friend arrived. We had a nice 2 and a half hour visit and they left. After a short lunch, mom lay down for a nap. One of the church ladies then called and said they were going to be post-poned to the following day. I said that would be fine.
Well, I have a teenager too, and the teens decended on my house that evening and the following day. By the time the church ladies got here my house was a wreck! There were dirty dishes that had to be washed, spoons also. I hadn't even had time to myself get cleaned up! The first thing that they noticed when they arrived was I was in my bare feet. I laughed it off and said, "at least I'm not barefoot and pregnant!" Since I was unmarried, they did not think that funny. Then we came into the kitchen and sat down for cake and ice cream. The conversation slowly turned to my love life (which is a soap opra at times) and a few deragotory comments were made about that. Yet, I perserved.
Mom took all this is stride and we escorted the ladies out after a nice hour and a half visit. After the dust had settled from their visit, I said this, "Ya know, the lady and her son that probably didn't care whether the house was clean or not got to see my house clean. The ladies that 'expected' a clean house, did not get to see my house that way." Mom responded by saying this, about that: "maybe that is exactly the way it was supposed to be." Wow! Mom sometimes just hits the nail right on the head!
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Saturday, December 8, 2012
September Solitude
I missed blogging in September. For some reason I think it's because of the tie to Willie Nelson's song "September" http://youtu.be/lkB_d0oFAaM it leaves me with a melancholy feeling, as if "the days I have to spend with you are few." It's now October and I'm thinking... Solitude, as in Evanescence's song http://youtu.be/-Z7p3abL_P0 a very haunting melody. I usually try to post positive blogs on my care giving experience; but it would not be a realistic blog if I didn't occasionally post how this experience is effecting me emotionally.
As the line in the song says, "I lived through you, you looked through me." I feel like I'm living through you and your experiences, and you look through spectacles that are fashioned by me.
"When will the hole in my heart be mended?" I feel as if I will always have this hole in my heart, even after you are gone. "Who now is left alone, but me?" Evanescence sings.
November has come and gone and now we are six days into December. The days are getting shorter and yet longer at the same time. I drag myself through the motions of getting up, fixing breakfast, doing the dishes, giving mom her bath and putting her down for her morning nap, as if she were an infant. Mom is up for lunch and memories of cutting food for my daughter come to me as I use knife and fork to cut the pork chop into small edible pieces for mom. Mom has forgotten how to use the knife and fork together, I have caught her trying to cut meat with just the fork when the knife has been present. It is hard to watch a woman who was once so brilliant, struggle with such a mundane task.
December brings your 90th birthday, and I struggle with what to do. You sleep through much of the day now, yet you look forward to your Birthday Party, as a child. You've asked for cake and ice cream, and it brings me back to the days when you and dad invited family down to the farm and we made home-made ice cream. Dad is gone now, the farm is gone too... it's just me and you. Solitude.
Christmas is coming. Where is family? Where is the church? Where are friends that said they would never leave your side? The tinsel hangs on the tree like memories of by-gone days. The traces of my childhood scattered amongst the branches of the evergreen. Your fingers remember the Christmas tunes of the piano and we sing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" and "Oh, Holy Night". For but a little while our hearts lift with our voices and we remember days of old.
________________________________________
Update: I wrote this in September of 2012, it is now 6 years later, and my heart is still sad. I have now lost mom, my daughter to marriage, my home, my livelihood and almost my life. Again I say, "Where is family? Where is God? Where are the friends that said they would never leave? Why are some lives harder than others? Is it a gift or a curse? What are we to learn from the trials we face? Why do they repeat? Is it because we don't learn the first time? or the second, or the third? Where is the purpose? What is there to gain? Does the journey ever end? These are just a few of the questions I ask myself each day.
As the line in the song says, "I lived through you, you looked through me." I feel like I'm living through you and your experiences, and you look through spectacles that are fashioned by me.
"When will the hole in my heart be mended?" I feel as if I will always have this hole in my heart, even after you are gone. "Who now is left alone, but me?" Evanescence sings.
November has come and gone and now we are six days into December. The days are getting shorter and yet longer at the same time. I drag myself through the motions of getting up, fixing breakfast, doing the dishes, giving mom her bath and putting her down for her morning nap, as if she were an infant. Mom is up for lunch and memories of cutting food for my daughter come to me as I use knife and fork to cut the pork chop into small edible pieces for mom. Mom has forgotten how to use the knife and fork together, I have caught her trying to cut meat with just the fork when the knife has been present. It is hard to watch a woman who was once so brilliant, struggle with such a mundane task.
December brings your 90th birthday, and I struggle with what to do. You sleep through much of the day now, yet you look forward to your Birthday Party, as a child. You've asked for cake and ice cream, and it brings me back to the days when you and dad invited family down to the farm and we made home-made ice cream. Dad is gone now, the farm is gone too... it's just me and you. Solitude.
Christmas is coming. Where is family? Where is the church? Where are friends that said they would never leave your side? The tinsel hangs on the tree like memories of by-gone days. The traces of my childhood scattered amongst the branches of the evergreen. Your fingers remember the Christmas tunes of the piano and we sing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" and "Oh, Holy Night". For but a little while our hearts lift with our voices and we remember days of old.
________________________________________
Update: I wrote this in September of 2012, it is now 6 years later, and my heart is still sad. I have now lost mom, my daughter to marriage, my home, my livelihood and almost my life. Again I say, "Where is family? Where is God? Where are the friends that said they would never leave? Why are some lives harder than others? Is it a gift or a curse? What are we to learn from the trials we face? Why do they repeat? Is it because we don't learn the first time? or the second, or the third? Where is the purpose? What is there to gain? Does the journey ever end? These are just a few of the questions I ask myself each day.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Another kind of cookie monster.
A day in the life of my "Cookie Monster":
Mom, "These cookies are very good!"
me, "They are Grandma Douthit's oatmeal, raisen cookies; so they should be good."
(Grandma Douthit has been gone since 1968)
Mom, "Did you just slip over there and get them?"
(Grandma used to live across the road from us, when I was a kid.)
Mom, "These cookies are very good!"
me, "They are Grandma Douthit's oatmeal, raisen cookies; so they should be good."
(Grandma Douthit has been gone since 1968)
Mom, "Did you just slip over there and get them?"
(Grandma used to live across the road from us, when I was a kid.)
me, "slip over where mom?"
Pause...
Mom, "That's not right, is it?"
me, "No mom, Grandma isn't there anymore."
Sad face. :(
Pause...
Mom, "That's not right, is it?"
me, "No mom, Grandma isn't there anymore."
Sad face. :(
Mom loves cookies, whether they be home-made or store bought. I do believe her favorite cookie is Oatmeal! Probably has something to do with them being Grandma's, no doubt!
On another day, Mom looks around suspeciously...
"What ya lookin for mom?" I ask.
"Oh, I don't know. Something sweet??" she says.
"Would you like a cookie?" I guess at her desired target.
"Oh, yes! That would be nice." she exclaims.
"What kind of cookie would you like?" I ask, "we have Almond Windmill cookies, or Oreo Fudge Creams?"
She puckers up her face, as if deep in thought. A bright smile spreads across her face, "Fudge Creams!"
I just smile as I watch her enjoy her chocolate cookie.
Sometimes I just can't get ahead of the "cookie monster" so I also try to have on hand a good supply of Graham crackers, saltines and other more healthy "substitutes", such as carrot sticks, creamed cheese in celery, pickles, assorted fruit, cheese and crackers. Of course the latter gets met with a turned up nose by mom.
Hiding the sought after targets of her affection is another challenge. I usually hide them in the "bread box" behind the lessor used hamburger and hot dog buns or the "odditites" cabinet where I keep things that I don't use very often: like the bread maker, the air popper, and the dehydrator. I usually sandwich the cookies between the stacks of extra napkins and the "Keck's Root Beer" refillable bottles that we only take out for our town's annual fall fair.
Mom recently discovered my "bread box" hiding place for the cookies and I found hot dog buns and Hostess pies scattered amuck! She has yet to find the latter hiding place, however... so it's still safe to hide them there, as long as I don't let her see me getting them out. Funny how a woman who can't remember what day it is from one moment to the next, can remember where the hiding place is for cookies!
On another day, Mom looks around suspeciously...
"What ya lookin for mom?" I ask.
"Oh, I don't know. Something sweet??" she says.
"Would you like a cookie?" I guess at her desired target.
"Oh, yes! That would be nice." she exclaims.
"What kind of cookie would you like?" I ask, "we have Almond Windmill cookies, or Oreo Fudge Creams?"
She puckers up her face, as if deep in thought. A bright smile spreads across her face, "Fudge Creams!"
I just smile as I watch her enjoy her chocolate cookie.
Sometimes I just can't get ahead of the "cookie monster" so I also try to have on hand a good supply of Graham crackers, saltines and other more healthy "substitutes", such as carrot sticks, creamed cheese in celery, pickles, assorted fruit, cheese and crackers. Of course the latter gets met with a turned up nose by mom.
Hiding the sought after targets of her affection is another challenge. I usually hide them in the "bread box" behind the lessor used hamburger and hot dog buns or the "odditites" cabinet where I keep things that I don't use very often: like the bread maker, the air popper, and the dehydrator. I usually sandwich the cookies between the stacks of extra napkins and the "Keck's Root Beer" refillable bottles that we only take out for our town's annual fall fair.
Mom recently discovered my "bread box" hiding place for the cookies and I found hot dog buns and Hostess pies scattered amuck! She has yet to find the latter hiding place, however... so it's still safe to hide them there, as long as I don't let her see me getting them out. Funny how a woman who can't remember what day it is from one moment to the next, can remember where the hiding place is for cookies!
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